i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
