That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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