I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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