Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
