Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
