i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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