My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
