Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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