When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
