You smell like a Billy Joel song
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
