a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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