No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
