eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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