she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
