I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
