I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
