I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
