My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize