I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
