fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
