please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
jump out the window naked night went bad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
