I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
