Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
