I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Randomize
