I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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