uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
