We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Found your dick twin last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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