You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
