She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
