If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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