you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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