i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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