Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there was a trapeze. enough said
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
