You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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