you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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