It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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