I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
