I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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