im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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