White coat. Heels.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
