I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
