My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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