I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
