sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
