you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
smell my finger.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
