Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
