no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
