I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
