My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
