I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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