dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
