One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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