I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
