So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
