Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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