I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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