Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
