i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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