...so i touched it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
