time to smoke my breakfast
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
