He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
