cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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