We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
