Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
