How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize