look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
