And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She's JV to your varsity
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
