Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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