ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
50% drunk capacity currently
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
