I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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