Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
