So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
